A Christmas tree lies uprooted in an empty living room with its finery strewn over the carpet, such was the force of the kick which knocked it over.

On a dining table, the Christmas turkey rapidly cools and the gravy congeals, untouched and underappreciated by a family torn asunder.

The only movement is from the flickering television, which plays out the saccharine remains of a mid-1990s Christmas romcom.

If an unlucky visitor listens particularly closely on this silent night, the faint sobbing of relatives can be heard as they barricade themselves in their separate rooms.

This is a highly realistic and likely scenario if one does not follow this handy guide on how to survive the Christmas period.

So, if you endeavour to have stress and conflict-free festivities this year, pay close attention.

Planning is your greatest weapon here, particularly if any of the recipients are small children.

Remember youngsters have not been worn down by the carousel of disappointment and failure that is adult life.

They might not be able to mask their gift disappointment in the way someone more mature and emotionally jaded can so a terrible present basically isn't an option.

If you have a small child as a relative, find out in advance what they want. This will be easy as they have likely been harassing their primary caregiver about it since late July.

DO NOT DEVIATE FROM THIS. Under-tens do not appreciate your creativity.

For more mature Christmas participants the risk is much smaller so just make sure not to stray into controversial presents unless you are sure they will be accepting.

This is no time for you to try to persuade your uncle Dave to become a vegan.

Christmas is the one time in which everyone can indulge in their deepest, most repressed interior design fantasies.

The rule in many houses is the gaudier the better but this may occasionally fall victim to one or more adult house members dreaming of a tasteful celebration that looks like the background to a Bing Crosby special.

So don't fall out over whether or not a 10ft flashing Christmas teddy bear is appropriate for the front garden.

Designate certain areas where the watchword is restraint, such as the living room and kitchen table, and allow those with shinier tastes to decorate elsewhere.

Unless you grew up in an episode of The Waltons, there are probably a number of tricky micropolitical decisions required when choosing which members of your extended family are invited.

While uncomfortable situations and barely concealed hostility are a feature of many a traditional celebration, much of the angst can be at least mitigated by strategic invitation and dinner time seating.

Unfortunately, the inexorable bond of blood means unpalatable individuals who would otherwise be ignored must instead be grudgingly accommodated.

Avoid unnecessarily points of conflict. Old uncle Nigel's views on immigration may not be appreciated by the majority so sit him next to someone hard of hearing or eternally placid/passed out.

The Christmas meal is an achievement like no other. A towering, calorie-crammed testament to those pioneers who refused to listen to the naysayers.

Who says you can't wrap sausages in bacon? Who says everything cant be roasted? Who says three separate desserts is an insulting level of gluttony?

Even for the experienced party host, such a monumental undertaking can seem daunting.

In these more enlightened times there are often a range of dietary requirements to cover within the meal, as well as the trenchant traditionalists who question any deviance from the established norms.

Plan ahead so there are no unexpected surprises. Your son's new partner is a vegan? Well you should have asked beforehand.

Basically, to cut a long story short, buy a nut roast and make sure everything else is covered in gravy.

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life's problems."

These words uttered by Homer Simpson have come to define our age. And never are they more apt than during the Christmas stretch.

Scotland's rocky relationship with the demon drink may have resulted in some unfavourable headlines but if used correctly it can grease the wheels of Christmas very effectively.

December 25, like an airport departure lounge or TV newsroom, is a rare safe haven where drinking is acceptable at any time of day.

Make sure you always have a drink in your hand and keep the supply of alcohol regular.

WARNING: If you are a load-bearing pillar of the festivities (e.g. cooking the meal, delivering the service) remember to sip rather than gulp.

The importance of the possibly socially-corrosive box in the corner of most living rooms during Christmas week is hard to overstate.

The celebration has been entwined with television for decades, with touchstones like the Queen's Speech and awful mainstream family comedy special.

With so many potential visitors, keeping the peace can be a challenge when it comes to TV.

Make sure to keep a close control of the remote to avoid potential flash points between those with sharply conflicting opinions.

Stick to the family classics like The Snowman or Wallace and Gromit.

And bear in mind that at least half of those lazily assembled after the meal will be looking for something to fall asleep to.

If you wait long enough you might have the choice of entertainment all to yourself.