Have you taken the SNP's National Survey yet?

It's at www.survey2016.scot and it's an interesting signal that the Scottish Government realises persuasion, not attack, might be the way to win people over to independence.

It has been obvious for a while that cleverer members of the SNP understand that simply bludgeoning people over the head isn't going to work. Sorry, attack dogs and cybernats, but abusing people doesn't actually win you any friends; it just makes people respect your cause less.

Nicola Sturgeon has said she wants to reach out to people who voted No in 2014, and expressed some sympathy for where they are coming from. John Swinney, one feels, is equally nuanced, especially since he realises just how much work is needed to put education right. Kenny MacAskill has put forward a notion of federalism, a third way, to navigate the choppy seas of both Brexit and the independence question.

And Gordon Wilson, an ex-leader of the party, has actually said it: Indyref2 isn't on. It would be "rather a waste of time" just now, and will be until Scotland "get its expenditure trimmed down to the size a small country would want".

Time to play the long game, then. Do a bit of compromising. Maybe I'm a sucker but I like politicians (of every hue) in listening mode. When they get a bit more humble, and soften their rhetoric, I get less alarmed and I start to listen. I share a lot of the ideals that the SNP has for Scotland, I love this country and its people, and I would be delighted to find common ground where the 'I' word is not mentioned in every sentence.

The National Survey therefore is important. Post-EU referendum, how does Scotland best equip itself for the future?

"Tell us what you think."

So I did.

Questions 1-3 are groundwork. How did I vote in 2014 and in the EU referendum? No and Remain. And using a scale of 1-10, where 1 means I'm totally against Scottish independence and 10 means I am totally in favour of it, where am I today regarding it?

I press 2 so they know I'm not a total Unionist nutter. My computer does not start flashing and implode. Good sign.

Question 4 is the biggie, with 12 subsections. It required time and thought on my part. Which is a good sign too. If there was a referendum on Scottish independence how important would the following issues be in deciding how you would vote?

The first is feel British/believe in the Union. I give that a 9. I'm a total British mongrel: born in London, with an Irish mother and a Scots father. I've lived in Scotland since I was 18 but put it this way, I can't ever see me arrested in in Myanmar and crying out for the Scottish ambassador.

Feel Scottish? I swither; give it a 7. Probably should have gone for 8. This is my home. My son was born and grew up here. I love the place.

How do I rate the importance of economic stability and affordability? That's a 10. Separating from the UK is crazy if we can't afford it. The warning's in the history books - the poverty of the late 17th century and the ruinous Darien Scheme.

Public services, for example the NHS, schools, and transport, get a 10 too. Vital. Ditto defence and security of Scotland - if Trump wins, make that a 12. Removing nuclear weapons from Scotland gets a 1 for the same reason. If it was keeping them I'd give it a 10, because Putin respects nothing.

On the issue of retaining EU membership, I struggled and eventually went for 7. I want to stay in EU, but if push came to shove being in the UK is more important. And secretly I've not given up hope of a workable Brexit fudge.

Making decisions in Scotland got an 8 from me. We need to keep what we have and we need to use what we're getting under the Smith Commission - together they represent control over almost everything.

I gave protecting human rights a 9 and immigration a 5, not because it's unimportant, but because it's not deadly important either. We're always going to be a country which welcomes people, but our climate and economy will never attract problematic numbers.

What about personal financial security? I gave it an 8. I'm happy to pay more taxes to keep Scotland flourishing but if our economic base isn't stable, I'll end up being taxed savagely. That wouldn't be fair. And I'd leave. With a broken heart.

I rated protecting Scotland's environment a pragmatic 2. The subtext here is fracking, which everyone knows we need to survive. Let's face it, Scotland's magnificent natural assets won't be threatened by that or anything else.

The final questions were less subtle. If there was a referendum on Scottish independence tomorrow, I would vote No. And no, I would not support holding an independence referendum in order to protect Scotland's interest in Europe (I bet lots of SNP supporters secretly tick the same box as me).

Did I have children or grandchildren under 18? No, but I wanted to add I've got a son of 26 who works in the European travel industry, is horrified by Brexit but still thinks it's crazy that his country wants to split from the UK.

Age? I ticked 55 + and to my great relief the screen didn't immediately flash up that I was an old hag who was holding the country back and deserved to die. We'll leave that to the cybernats.

Exercises in democracy can seem dull and futile, or loaded towards the wanted answers. But I urge everyone - nuanced unionists like me, ardent ones too, nationalists, every thinking Scot who cares about their country - to do the survey, and as honestly as they can.

Negotiation is in all our interests.

Comment by Melanie Reid. Melanie's Spinal Column appears in The Times Saturday magazine.

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