Dear Duncan: Grieving wife blogs for husband after he loses cancer battle
Caroline McGregor is determined to help people cope with death after she lost her husband age 34.
It took Caroline and Duncan McGregor an hour to know they loved one another's company and less than a year before it felt like they were married already.
The pair from opposite ends of Glasgow, Caroline from the east and Duncan the west, first crossed paths in the mud while indie music blared at T in the Park, 2006.
Duncan caught Caroline's arm during an Arctic Monkeys set, saving his future wife from a particularly riotous crowd surge, their bond "magnetic" in the moments that followed.
Soaking up as much life experience as they could, the couple spent their 20s taking holidays abroad, festival-hopping and in later years, roaming the Scottish countryside, knowing that one day they wanted to get married and have children.
At a small ceremony in their living room in Clydebank, they spoke their marital vows seven weeks before Duncan passed away from cancer, aged 34.
After nine months of doctor appointments, trying to get to the root of why Duncan was having trouble eating and losing weight, a lump was finally found on his oesophagus - he had nearly collapsed in a travel agents that week.
The disease eventually spread to his liver and was so far advanced, the childcare worker was told the surgery he was promised would not be possible.
"Duncan was the centre of everyone's happiness and well-being," said Caroline. "He thought about everyone else all the time, was always helping people and was so kind.
"Every morning when he would wake up he would phone his mum to ask how she was and if she needed any shopping that day.
"The whole way through his cancer, no matter how much pain he was in, he was like a ray of sunshine. Because he knew that was important for people.
"When he was told he they couldn't do the operation, that was the worst thing that had happened to us so far. I wanted to kill the surgeon but he turned and said 'thanks very much for trying doctor'."
Duncan's positive outlook was a lifeline for Caroline in the months that followed his death in 2015. Whether motivated by shock or adrenaline, she threw herself into making plans, surrounding herself with friends and family - two things close to her husband's heart.
She took time off from her job as a nursery worker and in February 2016, began writing about nutrition, physical and mental well-being and coping with grief as a 31-year-old widow in her blog Me On A Good Day.
Research into alkaline diets and the benefits of niacin had become Caroline's mantra during Duncan's cancer, and she wanted to spread the world to as many people dealing with illness and grief for the first time.
She said: "Duncan wanted me to be OK and he spoke to me about it, which really helped.
"One night I walked out of his room, he called me back and said 'I miss you when you're not here'. I asked how he thought I would be fine when he's not fine if I'm just leaving the room. He said 'It's a choice, and you'll choose to be OK'.
"I threw myself into making plans for him. I started running, I started eating well, I forced myself to see people even when I didn't want to, I did everything I could to help myself.
"It is getting harder the longer it goes on - and the longer it goes on the more I think there might be a day where I can't get out of bed. But it hasn't happened yet."
Public information about food and its relationship with cancer was something the young couple had discussed at length - namely why they had found so little of it.
But Caroline's blog took on a life of its own, tackling the stigma of grief, particularly among those closest to the bereaved.
Caroline said: "People don't talk about death, and people my age especially haven't always experienced it.
"I found it myself, before I lost Duncan, friends lost parents and I wouldn't know how to speak to them. One friend in particular lost her dad, and I thought she would have enough on, she wouldn't want me texting her, so I just left her.
"If people had done that to me that would have been terrible. Everyone is different, but everyone needs people - so break through that fear you've got about whether you're going to make that person cry."
Now back at work, Caroline has a difficult month ahead of her. She turns 32 next week, is due to attend a wedding, will celebrate her own wedding anniversary and in July, will know it was ten years ago that she met the man she loves.
In addition to growing her blog's readership, she eventually hopes to write a book on a similar subject, hoping to help a portion of the estimated 259 million widows around the world.
She said: "I'm going to write about what to do when you're diagnosed with cancer - because no one told us.
"Why shouldn't we share our feelings and let people know it's ok to come and talk to you? We're all human beings."