Perplexed by the newfangled dilemmas of 21st century life?

Don't know your Arctic Monkeys from your Arctic rolls?

Ask Anchorman is here for you.

Whatever your query, however many Scotches are required to answer it, John MacKay will serve as your social lodestar.

Ask Anchorman is his style guide for the modern man. Submit your questions using the contact details below.

Anchorman says: I think that blight of modern living -- health and safety -- is to blame.

It is like so much that has been lost to us, lead paint on toys and constant passive smoking. Oh for the days when there were sweet cigarettes, not candy sticks, when you didn't need to bother with sunblock and crash helmets didn't exist, even on motorbikes. These pleasures have been denied us as, alas, have toys in packs of cereal.

Anchorman says: First of all, David Cameron recognises the importance of a tie. Remember him telling Jeremy Corbyn to do up his tie? Actually, he said that was advice from his mother, but he made the point. The problem, though, is what sort of knot does he stand for? Sometimes it's a windsor knot, sometimes it's a half-windsor, other times it's a bowtie. Sometimes the knot is precise, other times it's not thought through. It's all very well using a knot that might win popularity, but that doesn't tell us what tie knot does he believe in? Does he use a tie because he believes in the knot he's using or because he believes he is entitled to it? It's hard to tell.

Anchorman says: I have my dinner during the programme, served at my desk with fine wine. The timing has to be precise, each course served as soon as I have introduced a report, finished and cleared before the report ends. The top story is usually shorter and that is when I have the entree. The main course is served during a longer feature, although it has to be pre-mashed for ease of eating. The dessert usually has to wait until I've introduced the sport which is why I can sometimes be a bit ratty with Raman.

The wine -- always white to avoid spillage stains -- is slurped throughout the programme, although I'm sure it's never notished.

Anchorman says: No, never. It is a ridiculous garment that leaves nothing to the imagination. It is a disturbing distraction to those around and makes the wearer look ridiculous. No, the only garment to be worn on such occasions is a pair of Speedos.

Anchorman says: There are a number of factors which decide the balance of a programme, regardless of what guests have actually got to say -- percentage of population, size of lobbying group etc. So, there are about 5.5 million people in Scotland and about 1000 pugs. Within the approximately 6000 minutes broadcast by Scotland Tonight each year, pugs should be entitled to marginally more than a minute on air (this is assuming no other breeds are considered). However, factor in the persistence of their lobbying group and we arrive at a figure of one full programme a week being devoted to pugs and their interests. Clearly that is not happening and it is an outrage that can only be blamed on the biased MSM and their paymasters.

Anchorman says: You have to ask? A suit so fine it makes Sinatra look like a hobo, a crisp shirt and a fine tie. What else would you wear?

If you have to make a concession to the sun, what is wrong with wearing socks and flip flops? They protect the feet while allowing the air to circulate. Worn with a pair of short trousers with a pressed seam and a boldly patterned Fred Perry shirt tucked tightly into the waistband, it is the style of the only cool guy on a hot day.

Anchorman says: I think it is wise that he didn't ask me directly. Shorts are for the sports field, not the office. Who wants to look at hairy, varicosed veined limbs and thighs that spread to double their size when they are seated on a chair? The only acceptable form of leg display in an office is a skirt and, frankly, I don't think Graham has the legs for that.

Anchorman says: I do and both were, not surprisingly, quite classy. That is why I chose to attend the schools in question. Even as an infant I knew that ties would be a guiding force in life. Hillington Primary's tie was a tasteful blue with slim white stripes. Penilee Secondary's was black, silver and red and to my shame was mostly worn as a bandana.

Anchorman says: The best way of staying cool is always the best way of staying cool. Wear a classy suit, a crisp white shirt and a fine tie. If you want to make an extra effort, wear shades.

Anchorman says: Let me think about that...NO! The news is sacrosanct and is not to be polluted by the nonsense of social media. If a news anchor succumbed to such a request he would then have to be consistent and apply all the other requests that are thrown at him online, including the constant babble about what is and isn't a news story from people who haven't a clue.

Email AskAnchorman@stv.tv or tweet @RealMacKaySTV.

John MacKay is presenter of the STV News at Six and Scotland Tonight. He is author of Notes of a Newsman, which are his notes about being a man in news. He is renowned for his style, charisma and knee-weakening charm. He totally didn't write this bio himself.