Are you just a poor boy, though your story's seldom told?

Have you squandered your resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises?

(Other brands of existential crisis are available.)

Ask Anchorman is here for you.

Whatever your query, however many Scotches are required to answer it, John MacKay will serve as your social lodestar.

Ask Anchorman is his style guide for the modern man. Submit your questions using the contact details below.

Do you and Raman have good banter off screen as well as on and do you try to put him off when he is doing his sports news?

-- Lynda Figus via Facebook

Anchorman says: If by banter you mean do we trade insults loudly across the newsroom, then the answer is most definitely yes. They tend to revolve around weight, age and general appearance which isn't really fair because he can't do anything about any of these things. I don't try to put him off when he's doing his sports news because he does a good enough job of doing that himself.

Anchorman says: That's a question I'm struggling to answer. The big events in the whole of history? The Big Bang? That took millennia for the story to get out. Christ rising from the dead? You're still talking a few hundred years before there was a mass audience and even then you'd have people constantly rewriting your story. The world wars? So horrifying and grim. I still think man landing on the Moon is the greatest achievement of mankind. So I think I would like to have been an embedded reporter on Apollo 11, on the guarantee that we'd definitely come back.

Anchorman says: You're mocking him, aren't you? He is a toy, although he doesn't know it, and is programmed to act as a toy would. Apparently, there are some individuals who are completely delusional about their significance and role in society. They take on a grandeur that is not based in any reality. As an Anchorman with salon quality hair who addresses the nation every day, I pity such individuals who cannot see themselves for what they really are.

Is the mahogany smell your hair dye? And why don't you go for one of those free hair transplants with your picture on the back of the Sunday Mail?

-- John Martin via Facebook

Anchorman says: No, my hair dye smells of cherry blossom shoe polish for a very good reason -- that's what it is. I have yet to see a hair transplant that looked any way half decent and I prefer being able to take my hair off at night.

Anchorman says: Acceptable? It's recommended. What else would a gentleman of style wear? How else will you achieve the burnt red thigh tops that are the mark of a pure quality beach holiday? I guarantee that if you stroll along a beach wearing a thong speedo you will see all the ladies putting their hands to their faces, their mouths falling open in admiration. As an extra tip, you could try wearing a matching tie.

Anchorman says: I delve into the depths of my imagination, which is rather a weird place, and come up with the colour names. Well, some of them. Otherwise, I use an app called ColorAssist. The difficulty is that the ties I tweet under #tweetyourtie can look very different under the studio lights. You do know you can choose the tie each night by signing up for the MacKay Mail?

Anchorman says: Some smart asses might say your age is your age whether you know it or not. That's nonsense. You are as old as you want to be. It's all in the mind. And how much you spend on cosmetic surgery. And inappropriate clothes. Get some Botox and you look like someone five years younger, or at least a plaster cast of someone five years younger. Get an eye lift and you're ten years younger, albeit ten years younger with a look of permanent surprise. Buy a skimpy dress or skinny jeans and you will be younger, not just some plonker who's trying to look younger. Me? I'm 27 and three quarters.

Anchorman says: Because that's what celebrities do. You don't really think that all these celebrities laughing together in paparazzi shots actually like each other, do you? No, it's all about what they can get from each other. If I'm out with Rona Dougall, she's there in the hope that some of my aura will reflect on her. That's how it works. Barbie is such a mega star that she doesn't really know what a friend is. All she knows is that she gets what she wants by paying for it. Fashion, gadgets, friends? They're all the same.

Anchorman says: It's 'jobby'. Of course it is. What did they teach you at school? Jobbie only comes into play when you add an 's' to make it plural.

Anchorman says: No product. Frizziness can be dealt with in two ways. Embrace it and make it a feature or shave it off entirely. There is really no middle way that works and ironing it would be a bit risky.

Email AskAnchorman@stv.tv or tweet @RealMacKaySTV.

John MacKay is presenter of the STV News at Six and Scotland Tonight. He is author of Notes of a Newsman, which are his notes about being a man in news. He is renowned for his style, charisma and knee-weakening charm. He totally didn't write this bio himself.