Scotland's involvement in Eurovision has been minimal over its half-century life span.

Alba has seen a pitiful number of acts compete in the finals of the competition to represent the UK, including Kenneth McKellar (1966), Lulu (1969), the original member of Sweet Dreams Robert McVay (1983), Scott Fitzgerald (1988) and Rikki (1987).

Despite the SNP's promise to win Scotland its own entry, it seems we are as welcome at Eurovision as a leper at a dinner party.

But it's fine Europe, Scotland doesn't want to join your festival of camp anyway.

It's an impossible feat to narrow down the worst Eurovision songs over the past 60 years - but Ukraine came pretty close in 2007 with drag queen Verka Serduchka's Dancing Lasha Tumbai.

The blinding extraterrestrial Polka is up with the competition's stinkers, which also include Ireland's 2008 entry Dustin the Turkey's entitled "Ireland Douze Pointe" (didn't make the final due to lack of points) and Lithuania's "We Are The Winners of Eurovision" in 2006. They finished sixth.

But Scotland's musical talent is in another league altogether - we gave birth to the likes of Midge Ure, Annie Lennox, Biffy Clyro and RM Hubbert.

Even in the talent competition arena we excel, though admittedly we owe that trophy almost exclusively to Susan Boyle.

It's safe to say, not a single terrible song has come out of Scotland.

Eurovision wouldn't be complete without the outlandish parade of sequins, feathers, lurid pleather, monster masks and surprise facial hair.

In fact Katie Price's pink cat suit, worn during her 2005 entry (which sadly only made the semi-finals), remains one of the few earthly phenomena that can be seen from space.

In short, Eurovision outfits are awful. It's almost a prerequisite for taking part.

The most memorable fashion faux pas include Jedward's 2011 tin-man onesies, Lordi's circus of horrors in 2006 and... whatever this was from Co-Co.

Scotland, on the other hand, is a nation of well-dressed trend-setters. We thrive in chic, ooze class and shame the rest of Europe with our fashionable prowess.

There has never been one instance in the history of time where Scotland has ever embarrassed their fellow countryfolk, tarting up stereotypes for the amusement of strangers.

Certainly not on an international platform.

Drag queen Conchita Wurst used her 2014 Eurovision win as a platform to promote LGBT awareness, after she performed Rise Like A Pheonix sporting a perfectly-styled beard with her ballgown.

Gender equality has been an increasing theme in Eurovision in recent years, with gay rights high on the 2016 press conference agenda, following the semi-final on Tuesday night.

Let's face it - this liberal discourse is just not for Scotland.

You won't catch us with any LGBT political leaders or rocking the legislative boat for equal marriage.

As if fresh Eurovision hopefuls peddling mediocrity for your ears wasn't bad enough, there are the seasoned acts that return time and time again.

And Britain is one of the worst culprits.

After competing with Ooh Aah Just a Little Bit in 1996, Gina G returned for a little bit more in 2005, while Cliff Richard coupled two Eurovision entries (1968, 1973) with a stint as host for the qualifying heats in 1970-72.

But Scotland is the motherland of innovation - it's fair to say there would be no Eurovision, had the Scots not invented the TV. (You're welcome, Europe.)

Scots are all about the new, particularly when it comes to music. As far as we know Scotland has never endorsed a tired act long after they had overstayed its welcome in the charts.

Nope, can't think of anyone.