At a loss in this crazy world of skinny jeans and dogs that people carry around in handbags?

Long for the certainty of an earlier, classier era, when men were men and manly men at that?

Ask Anchorman is here for you.

Whatever your query, however many Scotches are required to answer it, John MacKay will serve as your social lodestar.

Ask Anchorman is his style guide for the modern man. Submit your questions using the contact details below.

Anchorman says: Where to begin? A maroon striped jumper? Where are we, nursery school? A linen shirt should only be worn with light chinos and a Panama hat. Linen shirts say sunshine, tropics, tea and tiffin. The top two or three buttons should always be undone to display the chest hair prairie. If you wish to be avant garde, a bold pendant on a gold chain might be acceptable. Whether you're avoiding hipster or not -- and goodness knows you would want to -- you will still look like a child. Why not smear chocolate across your mouth to compete the look?

Anchorman says: Well now. Tanks lead the charge, so the person sitting on top of it must embody that spirit. A steely gaze, a proud bearing, a moustache that has its own biosphere. The clothes should be functional -- a pocket for a hip flask and cigar, that sort of thing. The facial hair, I understand, may be a challenge for some ladies, but there is no reason why the look should not be imperious. My advice to your friend? Who smiles on top of a tank? No, you stare down at the vanquished. And there absolutely has to be a head covering. A beret is best.

Anchorman says: Evening cereal is the diet of the student, like a tin of baked beans for dinner and the cold pizza for breakfast. The more mature among us should be capable of so much more. Sole meunière, porterhouse steak or a box of Jaffa cakes.

Anchorman says: It is not the questions that I am asked, but the questions I ask myself that betray the brilliance.

So I wonder why they don't make the entire aeroplane out of the same indestructible material as the black box?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together in the same building?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

You see? Brilliance, like the ability to read the news, is not something you choose, you are born to it.

Ask away, but you can see that the bar has been set.

Anchorman says: The Victorians had a view on that, avoid the sun because a tan suggested you were a worker outdoors. However, we know now that mahogany skin tells a different story, that one is glamorous, successful and rich. There are three ways to treat sunburn: Infuse yourself with so much Scotch you don't feel it, direct a very hot shower onto the sunburn until the pain goes away, or look at the wizened face of somebody who has spent way too long in the sunshine. The last option is the most drastic treatment, but it will guarantee that you don't spend too long in the sun ever again.

Email AskAnchorman@stv.tv or tweet @RealMacKaySTV.

John MacKay is presenter of the STV News at Six and Scotland Tonight. He is author of Notes of a Newsman, which are his notes about being a man in news. He is renowned for his style, charisma and knee-weakening charm. He totally didn't write this bio himself.